As someone on the other side of menopause, I can say that when the unraveling is over, there's a beautiful freedom. I called it "giving birth during menopause" in a piece I wrote. Thanks for sharing. Perimenopause was barely mentioned just a few short years ago when I was in that stage.
Yes, for sure! I often equate perimenopause to the pregnancy experience and also a second puberty of sorts. I came into the beautiful understanding of cycle awareness in 2019, and like you said not only was no one talking about perimenopause, but no one was talking about cycle awareness/cycle syncing. At least not in the US. I ran at both of these taboo topics head on, and I’m happy to see more openess and discussion around menopause.
I hope that cycle awareness education will spread as well. As I think it is at least as an important topic as menopause. Knowing cycle awareness will give younger women a way to understand their bodies and live cyclically before menopause causes such a shock.
I’ll look for your writing on “giving birth during menopause”.
I'm sorry for your loss. My parents just moved to assisted living and memory care and my siblings spent the weekend going through their things. There is a particular sadness that is universal in this task, I think. Thanks for making feel less alone.
Wow did this resonate. My dad unexpectedly almost three months ago, and I’m not even close to being able to go through his things. But even now I can feel the fog lifting slightly compared to the very early days.
I'm so glad to have discovered Midstack! It feels like a circle of friends I've been missing. And thank you for the kind shoutout, Jessica. ☀️ Since you already shared one of my pieces above, I'll just mention that in a few minutes I'm launching a series all about editorial building blocks inside newsletters.
And I'll share a link to someone else's essay that I really loved this week.
You had me at "what a dementia patient will lose shows up in direct relation to what that person had to begin with—that catalog of unique little bits and pieces, habits and preferences and abilities, that makes each of us precisely who we are."
As I continue to write about downsizing, this week I admit that the hardest tasks ahead will bring me face to face with the fact of my empty nest. I've been avoiding that for over a decade!
Hi Sue, we've been through the downsizing -- there's sadness that "this period" of your life is over, but there is also a lot of liberation in having less stuff, less upkeep -- and for the first time I have a home with a style and ambiance that feels really and truly "like me." That's what I'm embracing.
Sue, I read your post and very much resonate. I too have grown children who moved out years ago, though one came back! I have lived in my house for over thirty years and the clutter and collection of stuff is overwhelming. I too initially dove into other living and avoided my empty nest: divorcing, dating, and now my writing. I do want to downsize and declutter, so thank you for the inspiration.
Thank you for reading and replying, Rosemary. It is a comfort that I am not the only one who took this path. I'm wishing you the best as you approach this!
I feel you, Sue. I am a great avoider of letting go. Even so much as to hang on to things from my ‘first’ life pre-divorce and of course…I can’t bear to part with my favorite little dresses and shoes from my daughter’s childhood. It truly is a melancholy process to be returned back to the memories that live in those boxes. I’m happy you are feeling a little lighter. ☀️
Had a bit of a rewriting epiphany this week. I’ve been working on my memoir about grief and loss for about three or four years now. I’m slow with drafts and tend to beat myself up about it, but this time I learned something important about all that happens when we’re “not writing.”
Shannon, I really enjoyed hearing about some of your journey in writing memoir. Writing about our lives and our losses takes great courage-and ongoing work on our craft. I agree-strong writing-keep going!
Shannon- I resonate with the slowness of writing a memoir. I've been working diligently on mine for nearly four years. I beat myself up as well for how long it is taking. Love the idea that important things happen in the space in betwee.
I've been crafting an article that goes out tomorrow for International Women's Day: Caregiving is a human act, not 'women's work.' Evidence packed and a call to action for everyone.
I'm writing about using fiber arts/ hand crafts to heal, grow and connect as part of a promotion for my workshop series but I'm aiming to make sure that any essays I send out are useful in and of themselves. I shared this adaptation of the very common 5-4-3-2-1 anxiety/grounding exercise, applying it to crochet and knitting, etc. We all need ways to breathe and relax but especially as midlife women I think!
Oh, I've been meaning to message you! I consider myself one of the least "crafty" people on earth, but guess what? I've taken up knitting -- just a month or so ago -- and I'm now obsessed. I've tried so many different things as a way of decompressing, meditating, calming myself, and knitting has worked better for me than all of those by far and has been absolutely transformative. I want to write a post at some point soon about my "creator" journey with knitting and how it's helped manage my stress in recent weeks.
You don’t have to be “crafty” to reap the benefits - if you explore enough, you can find a craft that resonates enough for you and do it in a way that helps you specifically.
I do agree that we all be crafty, but maybe for some of us it comes easier than others. For me it's also helping me manage my innate perfectionism. I'm really not objectively good at knitting, but I still love it. The first thing I made was a total mess, and it actually felt good to accept that for what it was.
Definitely understand what you mean. I've been crocheting for decades and still get criticized occasionally by serious crocheters about the way I do things "wrong" :) (I hold my hook oddly, for example, but it works for me)
The thing about perfectionism is spot on. I regularly work with people on using their craft as a "safe space" for practicing skills that can eventually transfer over to other difficult areas of life - like letting go of being perfect or working with a fear of change.
If you do write that piece, be sure to let me know so I can read and share!
I posted "Who's afraid of Baba Vanga," a little rant about a blind Bulgarian mystic, turkeys in trees, protesting in the streets, and the general fuckery of these times. March is, so far, well ... one day at a time.
This week I wrote and narrated two original short stories to close out my Storytime Sunday - Carnival Edition series.
I had a lot of fun writing these based on Traditional Carnival characters from my home (Trinidad). I was able to imagine backstories for these characters where there isn't much written about them apart from descriptions of the costumes and their genesis to carnival.
I didn't publish this week but I'd love to share a post that one of my writing clients just published (if that's okay?)...it's about those moments of doubt during her midlife pivot as she leaves behind being a theater teacher and pours her creative energy into writing her first book. https://substack.com/home/post/p-158199839
Thank you for sharing these links, Jessica. I'm sorry that life is getting in the way of writing and productivity, I've felt that for a very long time.
I hope you'll find some resonance. I'm thinking that perhaps it's a very subjective view that I'm presenting, but looking forward to being corrected. 🙂
In case you are interested, here is the collection of them - "Multi-Story Houses" A few were published in a magazine and are behind a paywall, but you can create a free account to read them.
I recently wrote a note out of frustration with the current hype around hormone therapy. Daily in my clinic work and beyond, I hear so many women who are confused, who feel left out or let down by this. Everywhere we look, HT is being sold as the ultimate solution to perimenopause. I prescribe HT and use it myself, but there is more to the story. This is note my take on why we need a bigger, deeper conversation about what’s really undermining women’s health—and what truly supports us. https://substack.com/@heidilescanec/note/c-98466878
Gah, this is so true! I'm a perinatal therapist and see women across the reproductive lifespan, and the HRT craze is real. Feels like a massive overcorrection. I love what you say about addressing root causes.
I recently wrote a guest post as a collab with Lisa Bolin of Flucking Flourishing about– being untethered in midlife and the lessons I'm learning.
https://open.substack.com/pub/fluckingflourishing/p/untethered-and-unapologetic-midlife?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=18pm6g
It's been a total unraveling.
As someone on the other side of menopause, I can say that when the unraveling is over, there's a beautiful freedom. I called it "giving birth during menopause" in a piece I wrote. Thanks for sharing. Perimenopause was barely mentioned just a few short years ago when I was in that stage.
I loved that essay of yours. https://open.substack.com/pub/distractedbyprettythings/p/giving-birth-during-menopause
Thank you Jodi! It always makes me feel good to get your positive feedback.
I just read your post on birthing menopause. So, while we are on this transformative topic... Here is my essay on the same topic- similar theme.
https://womenscycleawareness.substack.com/p/personal-thoughts-on-perimenopause/comments
I love how we are all experiencing our journey's differently with the same themes.
And this is why it's so important to share our stories!!
Yes - and you are correct. We are very similar in our interpretation of “what comes after.”
Yes, for sure! I often equate perimenopause to the pregnancy experience and also a second puberty of sorts. I came into the beautiful understanding of cycle awareness in 2019, and like you said not only was no one talking about perimenopause, but no one was talking about cycle awareness/cycle syncing. At least not in the US. I ran at both of these taboo topics head on, and I’m happy to see more openess and discussion around menopause.
I hope that cycle awareness education will spread as well. As I think it is at least as an important topic as menopause. Knowing cycle awareness will give younger women a way to understand their bodies and live cyclically before menopause causes such a shock.
I’ll look for your writing on “giving birth during menopause”.
Agree with you, Jess. So many overlaps between the three Ps—puberty, pregnancy and perimenopause.
Ha! Yes, the 3 P's! 😆
Great article Jess! Makes so much sense and helps a lot to reframe this season.
I wrote about moving through the melancholy season of late winter, and grieving my father:
https://modernstrength.substack.com/p/betwixt-and-between
I'm sorry for your loss. My parents just moved to assisted living and memory care and my siblings spent the weekend going through their things. There is a particular sadness that is universal in this task, I think. Thanks for making feel less alone.
Yes, it’s a strange, sad process. You are definitely not alone, and my heart goes out to you.
Wow did this resonate. My dad unexpectedly almost three months ago, and I’m not even close to being able to go through his things. But even now I can feel the fog lifting slightly compared to the very early days.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Jillian, and for it being sudden.
❤️
Beautiful Maura. So sorry for your loss.
I'm so glad to have discovered Midstack! It feels like a circle of friends I've been missing. And thank you for the kind shoutout, Jessica. ☀️ Since you already shared one of my pieces above, I'll just mention that in a few minutes I'm launching a series all about editorial building blocks inside newsletters.
And I'll share a link to someone else's essay that I really loved this week.
What is enough? By Noha Beshir.
https://open.substack.com/pub/nohabeshir/p/what-is-enough?r=4i32v&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Welcome to Midstack! I am looking forward to reading your new post later today!
I love finding you here on Midstack Amanda. I am a huge fan of your writing and how generously you share your wisdom. Thank you.
Love the pay-it-forward to Noha!
I wrote this post about how dementia is specific to each unique person, not just a list of symptoms we can prepare to face.
https://open.substack.com/pub/msmiddler/p/a-million-little-pieces?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3gdcc
You had me at "what a dementia patient will lose shows up in direct relation to what that person had to begin with—that catalog of unique little bits and pieces, habits and preferences and abilities, that makes each of us precisely who we are."
This is such a powerful piece, thank you
Good point, and one I haven’t seen brought to the forefront in other essays about dementia.
Gosh, this is so powerful! Thank you Pam for sharing and opening our eyes and minds to this topic
As I continue to write about downsizing, this week I admit that the hardest tasks ahead will bring me face to face with the fact of my empty nest. I've been avoiding that for over a decade!
https://lettinggoholdingon.substack.com/p/the-motherlode
Hi Sue, we've been through the downsizing -- there's sadness that "this period" of your life is over, but there is also a lot of liberation in having less stuff, less upkeep -- and for the first time I have a home with a style and ambiance that feels really and truly "like me." That's what I'm embracing.
Sue, I read your post and very much resonate. I too have grown children who moved out years ago, though one came back! I have lived in my house for over thirty years and the clutter and collection of stuff is overwhelming. I too initially dove into other living and avoided my empty nest: divorcing, dating, and now my writing. I do want to downsize and declutter, so thank you for the inspiration.
Thank you for reading and replying, Rosemary. It is a comfort that I am not the only one who took this path. I'm wishing you the best as you approach this!
I feel you, Sue. I am a great avoider of letting go. Even so much as to hang on to things from my ‘first’ life pre-divorce and of course…I can’t bear to part with my favorite little dresses and shoes from my daughter’s childhood. It truly is a melancholy process to be returned back to the memories that live in those boxes. I’m happy you are feeling a little lighter. ☀️
Not in this season at all, but it still is such a huge transition. Loved reading it!
Had a bit of a rewriting epiphany this week. I’ve been working on my memoir about grief and loss for about three or four years now. I’m slow with drafts and tend to beat myself up about it, but this time I learned something important about all that happens when we’re “not writing.”
https://open.substack.com/pub/writingtosaveyourself/p/on-waiting?r=6ahrj&utm_medium=ios
Shannon, I really enjoyed hearing about some of your journey in writing memoir. Writing about our lives and our losses takes great courage-and ongoing work on our craft. I agree-strong writing-keep going!
Thank you! It felt very meta, writing about the vulnerability of writing vulnerable things lol
Shannon- I resonate with the slowness of writing a memoir. I've been working diligently on mine for nearly four years. I beat myself up as well for how long it is taking. Love the idea that important things happen in the space in betwee.
Thank you! It really sneaks up on you, I think, how difficult it can be working (and re-working) through memories and the now.
I’m already intrigued by your memoir. :0)
Thank you :)
I write about the intersection of adverse childhood experiences and how we show up in our adult working lives. Here's a flavour:
https://traumaatwork.substack.com/p/beyond-strengths-when-well-meaning
Well-meaning advice so often does miss the mark! Thanks for sharing.
I wrote a note that's resonating about unsolicited advice on caregiving: https://substack.com/@carermentor/note/c-95245960?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=a9y7d
I've been crafting an article that goes out tomorrow for International Women's Day: Caregiving is a human act, not 'women's work.' Evidence packed and a call to action for everyone.
FYI there are free resources for everyone to use on the website: https://www.internationalwomensday.com/Theme
I'm looking forward to your post!
Thanks Erica - it's out now: https://www.carermentor.com/p/international-womens-day-caregiving?r=a9y7d&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false Thanks!
Cool! I'll check it out!
I'm writing about using fiber arts/ hand crafts to heal, grow and connect as part of a promotion for my workshop series but I'm aiming to make sure that any essays I send out are useful in and of themselves. I shared this adaptation of the very common 5-4-3-2-1 anxiety/grounding exercise, applying it to crochet and knitting, etc. We all need ways to breathe and relax but especially as midlife women I think!
https://createmefree.substack.com/p/applying-the-5-4-3-2-1-anxiety-technique
Oh, I've been meaning to message you! I consider myself one of the least "crafty" people on earth, but guess what? I've taken up knitting -- just a month or so ago -- and I'm now obsessed. I've tried so many different things as a way of decompressing, meditating, calming myself, and knitting has worked better for me than all of those by far and has been absolutely transformative. I want to write a post at some point soon about my "creator" journey with knitting and how it's helped manage my stress in recent weeks.
Yes yes yes. Love this.
You don’t have to be “crafty” to reap the benefits - if you explore enough, you can find a craft that resonates enough for you and do it in a way that helps you specifically.
Although, I’d argue we’re all crafty …
https://createmefree.substack.com/p/honoring-your-inner-artist-healing
I do agree that we all be crafty, but maybe for some of us it comes easier than others. For me it's also helping me manage my innate perfectionism. I'm really not objectively good at knitting, but I still love it. The first thing I made was a total mess, and it actually felt good to accept that for what it was.
In managing my anxiety about the new administration, I just loved this piece by you. It's what gave me the idea to write about my knitting path someday. https://createmefree.substack.com/p/crafting-in-a-time-of-upheaval-creativity
Oh thank you!!
Definitely understand what you mean. I've been crocheting for decades and still get criticized occasionally by serious crocheters about the way I do things "wrong" :) (I hold my hook oddly, for example, but it works for me)
The thing about perfectionism is spot on. I regularly work with people on using their craft as a "safe space" for practicing skills that can eventually transfer over to other difficult areas of life - like letting go of being perfect or working with a fear of change.
If you do write that piece, be sure to let me know so I can read and share!
Thanks for this forum, Jessica!
I posted "Who's afraid of Baba Vanga," a little rant about a blind Bulgarian mystic, turkeys in trees, protesting in the streets, and the general fuckery of these times. March is, so far, well ... one day at a time.
https://open.substack.com/pub/longmiddle/p/whos-afraid-of-baba-vanga?r=j2fm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
In my weekly newsletter, I wrote up a post on attending our Swiss village’s carnival (Fasnacht) parade: https://ljgolden.substack.com/p/field-notes-on-village-fasnacht-parade
Thank you for always hosting this space Jessica!
This week I wrote and narrated two original short stories to close out my Storytime Sunday - Carnival Edition series.
I had a lot of fun writing these based on Traditional Carnival characters from my home (Trinidad). I was able to imagine backstories for these characters where there isn't much written about them apart from descriptions of the costumes and their genesis to carnival.
https://tamarafoster.substack.com/p/who-is-the-bookman
I didn't publish this week but I'd love to share a post that one of my writing clients just published (if that's okay?)...it's about those moments of doubt during her midlife pivot as she leaves behind being a theater teacher and pours her creative energy into writing her first book. https://substack.com/home/post/p-158199839
Of course it’s okay to share another midlife woman’s writing! I love writing about midlife pivots!
Thank you for sharing these links, Jessica. I'm sorry that life is getting in the way of writing and productivity, I've felt that for a very long time.
I did piat something this morning. It's a debunking (maybe?) Of the idea of midlife crisis, at least for me. https://open.substack.com/pub/primeaged/p/reframing-midlife-crisis?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=27zjjl
Thanks, Katia! Looking forward to reading. I love discussions about how to think about the idea of "a midlife crisis."
I hope you'll find some resonance. I'm thinking that perhaps it's a very subjective view that I'm presenting, but looking forward to being corrected. 🙂
I think you're completely right about it. Not a crisis. A milestone. A realization of (quiet) power.
Yes, 'quieter power' is a perfect summary.
Finished my ‘PRESIDENTIAL HOUSES’ series:
https://bobkirchman.substack.com/p/the-saltbox-presidents
In case you are interested, here is the collection of them - "Multi-Story Houses" A few were published in a magazine and are behind a paywall, but you can create a free account to read them.
https://bobkirchman.substack.com/p/multi-story-houses
I recently wrote a note out of frustration with the current hype around hormone therapy. Daily in my clinic work and beyond, I hear so many women who are confused, who feel left out or let down by this. Everywhere we look, HT is being sold as the ultimate solution to perimenopause. I prescribe HT and use it myself, but there is more to the story. This is note my take on why we need a bigger, deeper conversation about what’s really undermining women’s health—and what truly supports us. https://substack.com/@heidilescanec/note/c-98466878
Gah, this is so true! I'm a perinatal therapist and see women across the reproductive lifespan, and the HRT craze is real. Feels like a massive overcorrection. I love what you say about addressing root causes.