I published this essay on Wednesday. It's about my experience as a patient. I came to rely on medications to "fix" me in lieu of participating more actively in my own healing. And it became a slippery slope that almost ended in death. https://nantepper.com/p/theres-a-pill-for-that
Thank you, Jessica. I'm really committed to telling the stories that many hide. It definitely helps in my healing, and hopefully will make a contribution to others. Out fo the closet (as it were) and into the light! xo
My dad was a doctor, so I totally understand the "There's a pill for that" thinking. But it is amazing what the body can do when nurtured and fueled properly. Thank you for sharing.
Gave me something to think about. I also worry that I will be that lone old lady sitting on a bench feeding pigeons. I don't mind the bench or the pigeons, but I'd like someone to be sitting with me. My friend circle has gotten very small in the last 7 years of caring at home for a mom with dementia—my free time is limited and I rely on social media to keep up to date with them. I make an effort to call and chat or Facetime when I'm free - walking, cooking, and so on. I have lots of peripheral friends, who I enjoy and can talk to. Enjoy, Talk, Depend on. Good definition.
I love the idea of a Friendship Audit. And I do understand your fear about the future. Some of my friends and I joke about going "Golden Girls" in our twilight years and sharing a home if and when our significant others are gone. We joke, but then I think hmmmm...seriously sounds pretty good. Although it would have to be a pretty big home bc I am an introvert and need my alone time...
Nicole... this is so good. When I was in my 40's I spent time caregiving, so never gave it a thought. My relationships 20 years later are fewer but deeper.
Thank you, Chitra. Yes, I don't have children and am fortunate to have healthy parents, so I'm not caregiving right now. I'm lucky to have this space to think more deeply about my friendships right now.
Yes, I am. Thank you. 😊 Jody's work really resonates with me because, like her, I am not child free by choice. Her community is an amazing support system for that. ❤️
I wrote this as a teenager in the 80s, yet had no self awareness of my need for both deep connection with others-but also alone time - and thus connection with-myself.
It has taken me 60 years of living on this Earth and 5 of those years being sober, present and in therapy to figure out this truth about myself.
Given government statements/announcements in the UK I developed this article to lay out the facts and evidence, AMPLIFY the viewpoints of unpaid carer experts and try to get to the ‘So what does this all mean for us?’ (Caregivers/disabled/sufferers of a chronic illness/condition)
As a long-time community leader (HerStories is over 12 years old!), I can relate to so much of this. There have been times -- in my parenting journey, when other parts of life intrude -- that both of us have had to step back or reassess our roles and our purpose. Thank you for sharing this.
No, I haven’t read it yet. Crush was my first introduction to her work but after devouring Crush and listening to her speak about it on various podcasts I have it on my to-read list. That’s so cool that you and other HerStories me members were interviewed!
And just read your piece. I have some stuff from my past, I like to travel light, but what I have I love. I also have all my dad's report cards from elementary school, and my parents ketubah and their divorce papers (their get). And not nearly enough old photos, because who has the time or money to go through all the old slides and get them printed. Maybe one day. xo
Oh, I would love to find a box like that! I too relocated across the Atlantic and most of my childhood/young adult stuff has long since gone, but this summer I found a treasure trove out in my parents' storage unit-- some old photos and a few of my old notebooks!
Happy Friday friends! This is a post a wrote a few weeks ago. In it I talked about my first time ever giving an introductory talk about Ayurveda to a few women. I’m new to Ayurveda and gathering the confidence to speak about it was quite a personal victory to quell my lack of confidence 😊
I feel for you and your son. The other side of the coin as far as prison population goes is our failure to care for the mentally ill (often a co-conspirator to addiction). My sister is in jail due to her behavior while in the throes of being mentally ill. I've written abut my journey with her and how she ended up where she is. I have no answers. Just wanted to commiserate. Thanks for sharing.
Ah yes. My son's mental health led to SA. As a psychologist myself, I know it all too well. Thank you for reading... and sharing your story. I'll go read! 🖤
Thanks for this opportunity, Jessica! This is an interview I did with Dana Schneider, who decided a few years into her career as a jewelry designer that she wanted to try designing pieces for films and TVs. She moved to L.A. (with no contacts) and within two years was working on the Matrix sequels. Her work has since been featured in more than 80 film and TV projects. (She designed the iconic Hunger Games mockingjay pin.) And despite the gray hair and soft spoken demeanor, she also happens to a huge fan of heavy metal music. :)
This is part 10 in a episodic memoir series about the strip clubs of Times Square in the 70s and 80s; exploring why l felt safer and more loved there than anywhere else. This week: the first time I felt even a little pretty, I was naked in front of strangers. https://jdoff.substack.com/p/episode-10-1975-whirling-curvish
I've been that friend that disappears once or twice, but always with an explanation. Friends I've loved but who seem to suck me into their darkness everytime we talk (not your situation, at all). Same, in recovery, I developed boundaries and would withdraw from toxic friendships. I realized if I cringed when I saw their phone number come up, we were not doing each other any good and I needed to retreat. No ghosting though, that's just hurtful. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Here in Madrid it has been raining for what seems like weeks, very unusual. But the trees are in full bloom, at least. You really conveyed the sense of place in your different springs. Lets hope we all get through this one with at least a small measure of joy.
This week I wrote about that one time I almost died in an airplane and how I deal with my fear of flying. As for wins this week, I had 3 different people tell me they read everything I write, and my mind is blown.
I published this essay on Wednesday. It's about my experience as a patient. I came to rely on medications to "fix" me in lieu of participating more actively in my own healing. And it became a slippery slope that almost ended in death. https://nantepper.com/p/theres-a-pill-for-that
What a provocative piece! I read it earlier in the week. So glad it's resonating with others!
Thank you, Jessica. I'm really committed to telling the stories that many hide. It definitely helps in my healing, and hopefully will make a contribution to others. Out fo the closet (as it were) and into the light! xo
My dad was a doctor, so I totally understand the "There's a pill for that" thinking. But it is amazing what the body can do when nurtured and fueled properly. Thank you for sharing.
As a Long C human being... this resonates!! Thank you.
Nan this is so good and what I'm up against daily in my Ayurvedic Practice. I would love to cross post this article. May I?
Hi Chitra. I appreciate that you want to do that, yes, please!
A very important subject, Nan. You wrote it both with the details you needed to get across the whole issue but also with such touching self-empathy.
Thank you so much, Suki. Learning to love myself every day. It's getting easier!
Absolutely. It’s true. xo
This is a piece a wrote a few months back but has been on my mind a lot lately. Midlife has proven a time of reflecting on friendships, for me. https://open.substack.com/pub/revelandverve/p/navigating-friendship-in-midlife
Gave me something to think about. I also worry that I will be that lone old lady sitting on a bench feeding pigeons. I don't mind the bench or the pigeons, but I'd like someone to be sitting with me. My friend circle has gotten very small in the last 7 years of caring at home for a mom with dementia—my free time is limited and I rely on social media to keep up to date with them. I make an effort to call and chat or Facetime when I'm free - walking, cooking, and so on. I have lots of peripheral friends, who I enjoy and can talk to. Enjoy, Talk, Depend on. Good definition.
I'll feed pigeons with you any time! xo
I love the idea of a Friendship Audit. And I do understand your fear about the future. Some of my friends and I joke about going "Golden Girls" in our twilight years and sharing a home if and when our significant others are gone. We joke, but then I think hmmmm...seriously sounds pretty good. Although it would have to be a pretty big home bc I am an introvert and need my alone time...
My friends and I have a similar conversation. And I'm also the introvert of the group, so I understand the need for a big home!
Nicole... this is so good. When I was in my 40's I spent time caregiving, so never gave it a thought. My relationships 20 years later are fewer but deeper.
Thank you, Chitra. Yes, I don't have children and am fortunate to have healthy parents, so I'm not caregiving right now. I'm lucky to have this space to think more deeply about my friendships right now.
Nicole are you familiar with @Jody Day and https://jodyday.substack.com/ ? She and her publication are devoted to women who are child-free.
Yes, I am. Thank you. 😊 Jody's work really resonates with me because, like her, I am not child free by choice. Her community is an amazing support system for that. ❤️
So glad you found your way to me/us Nicole! Hugs, Jody x
Thanks for sharing Chitra x
Looking forward to reading, I also came to post about friendships! See below ⬇️
This is a Note I recently published.
https://substack.com/@rosemarywrites/note/c-102160462?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=b84yg
I wrote this poem when I was 16:
Alone.
It is the first, last,
and only thing
I want to be.
I wrote this as a teenager in the 80s, yet had no self awareness of my need for both deep connection with others-but also alone time - and thus connection with-myself.
It has taken me 60 years of living on this Earth and 5 of those years being sober, present and in therapy to figure out this truth about myself.
Thanks, Jessica & Midstack community
It's been a busy week:
Updating the Carer Mentor iCARE Stack: 1) Caregiving Hacks/Tips: https://www.carermentor.com/p/caregiving-hacks-and-tips?r=a9y7d
2)The GivingReceiving Care Anthology - with Dr Rachel Molloy's article (Carer and GP)https://www.carermentor.com/p/giving-and-receiving-care-an-anthology?r=a9y7d
The communication series #2 'How to close patient-doctor disconnects.' 'Beyond using the right words, how can we improve our interactions with doctors?' https://www.carermentor.com/p/beyond-using-the-right-words-how
Given government statements/announcements in the UK I developed this article to lay out the facts and evidence, AMPLIFY the viewpoints of unpaid carer experts and try to get to the ‘So what does this all mean for us?’ (Caregivers/disabled/sufferers of a chronic illness/condition)
Carers UK and mobilise (2 carer organisations) Respond to the UK Government publication of the welfare reform green paper. (web published) https://www.carermentor.com/p/carers-uk-and-mobilise-respond-to?r=a9y7d
I wrote this today. Being honest with my community and my needs. Not something I do often, but I’m practicing more vulnerability.
https://open.substack.com/pub/raisingmothers/p/the-world-is-always-burning-buying?r=7p2p2&utm_medium=ios
As a long-time community leader (HerStories is over 12 years old!), I can relate to so much of this. There have been times -- in my parenting journey, when other parts of life intrude -- that both of us have had to step back or reassess our roles and our purpose. Thank you for sharing this.
Being honest as a community leader can be so difficult. I enjoyed your post and high-five you for sharing openly.
Thanks Jessica for this community! Every month or so I feel the need to download all of the observations and learnings I'm making during this intense midlife moment. And after an impromptu visit back home, where I sifted through boxes and boxes of memorabilia stored in my mom's attic, I had a jumbo update. Which I finally published here: https://open.substack.com/pub/zevabellel/p/i-went-to-the-mothership-and-found?r=dgu7t&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
Thanks for sharing these! Crush by Ada Calhoun is on my list to read!
Let me know what you think when you’ve finished it.
I will! Did you read her nonfiction book Why We Can't Sleep? I was interviewed for it, along with several other members of our HerStories community.
No, I haven’t read it yet. Crush was my first introduction to her work but after devouring Crush and listening to her speak about it on various podcasts I have it on my to-read list. That’s so cool that you and other HerStories me members were interviewed!
I love your mom, @Zeva Bellel.
She a very special women! She loves you right back. Next time I’m visiting, we should try and hang.
And just read your piece. I have some stuff from my past, I like to travel light, but what I have I love. I also have all my dad's report cards from elementary school, and my parents ketubah and their divorce papers (their get). And not nearly enough old photos, because who has the time or money to go through all the old slides and get them printed. Maybe one day. xo
It’s definitely challenging knowing what to keep, anticipating what you’ll cherish. Those report cards and papers sound very precious.
She does? That's so nice to hear. She's the sweetest. I would love to hang with you the next time you're here! YES! xo
Oh, I would love to find a box like that! I too relocated across the Atlantic and most of my childhood/young adult stuff has long since gone, but this summer I found a treasure trove out in my parents' storage unit-- some old photos and a few of my old notebooks!
Kate, are you Kate from Emma Willard???
Yes!!! I thought your name sounded familiar!
What a fantastic find! Early notebooks/diaries are especially delicious when you come across them unexpectedly.
Happy Friday friends! This is a post a wrote a few weeks ago. In it I talked about my first time ever giving an introductory talk about Ayurveda to a few women. I’m new to Ayurveda and gathering the confidence to speak about it was quite a personal victory to quell my lack of confidence 😊
https://open.substack.com/pub/allthingsfood/p/from-writing-to-talking-my-first?r=6lw22&utm_medium=ios
YES!!!! Keep on going. Hoping you do it again and again and again!
Sometimes a post just pours out of you. This was one of those for me...
https://open.substack.com/pub/freefallsteph/p/a-fishing-tale?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=3ofa3
The way you said you cling to this memory made me think of clinging to a lifeline from that boat. Thanks for sharing.
Wow! Thank you.
I write once a month and got my March one out yesterday https://thefamilytriponline.substack.com/p/are-adults-allowed-to-have-dreams It's a mash of all the things I am thinking at midlife, but mostly about having dreams as an adult.
Aside from a great piece, I love the idea of one post per month. How is this scheduling working for you?
I’ve been second-guessing everything lately, but I hit publish anyway. It felt scary, but also kind of freeing.
If you’re in that place too—doubting, hesitating—I see you. Let’s keep showing up.
Addiction is not about the drugs. It's about disconnection. The real story of my son's incarceration. 🖤
https://open.substack.com/pub/blacksheepmom/p/confession-9-my-son-is-guilty?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=54r6zy
Thank you for sharing this. It's so important to hear stories like this, especially when other voices want to distort the picture...
Thank you for reading. 🖤
I feel for you and your son. The other side of the coin as far as prison population goes is our failure to care for the mentally ill (often a co-conspirator to addiction). My sister is in jail due to her behavior while in the throes of being mentally ill. I've written abut my journey with her and how she ended up where she is. I have no answers. Just wanted to commiserate. Thanks for sharing.
Ah yes. My son's mental health led to SA. As a psychologist myself, I know it all too well. Thank you for reading... and sharing your story. I'll go read! 🖤
This is very powerful and personal.thanks for sharing it.
Thank you for reading. 🖤
Thanks for this opportunity, Jessica! This is an interview I did with Dana Schneider, who decided a few years into her career as a jewelry designer that she wanted to try designing pieces for films and TVs. She moved to L.A. (with no contacts) and within two years was working on the Matrix sequels. Her work has since been featured in more than 80 film and TV projects. (She designed the iconic Hunger Games mockingjay pin.) And despite the gray hair and soft spoken demeanor, she also happens to a huge fan of heavy metal music. :)
https://creativereverberations.substack.com/p/cr-038-dana-schneider-on-bringing
What a fascinating interview and what an amazing career! I love reading about women's careers. And, yes, that mockingjay pin is certainly iconic.
This is part 10 in a episodic memoir series about the strip clubs of Times Square in the 70s and 80s; exploring why l felt safer and more loved there than anywhere else. This week: the first time I felt even a little pretty, I was naked in front of strangers. https://jdoff.substack.com/p/episode-10-1975-whirling-curvish
You know I'm a fan of your writing!
Fascinating! Subscribed!
A piece about an old friend disappearing, and finding self respect:
https://open.substack.com/pub/trasea/p/thoughts-on-being-ghosted-by-an-old?r=2ogm9u&utm_medium=ios
Wow, this helped me understand a similar (former) friendship, and how I blamed myself for “needing too much.”
I've been that friend that disappears once or twice, but always with an explanation. Friends I've loved but who seem to suck me into their darkness everytime we talk (not your situation, at all). Same, in recovery, I developed boundaries and would withdraw from toxic friendships. I realized if I cringed when I saw their phone number come up, we were not doing each other any good and I needed to retreat. No ghosting though, that's just hurtful. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Here is my post from yesterday, about spring and hope and uncertainty. https://kristinelassen.substack.com/p/spring-equinox
Here in Madrid it has been raining for what seems like weeks, very unusual. But the trees are in full bloom, at least. You really conveyed the sense of place in your different springs. Lets hope we all get through this one with at least a small measure of joy.
This week I wrote about that one time I almost died in an airplane and how I deal with my fear of flying. As for wins this week, I had 3 different people tell me they read everything I write, and my mind is blown.
https://open.substack.com/pub/distractedbyprettythings/p/look-up-in-the-air-its-a-bird-its?r=43tgx8&utm_medium=ios
I got chills for you and this win. Our words matter. xo
Thank you! And what you do matters! I love how you are about creating community through writing. Your efforts have enriched my life.
I can’t tell you how wonderful that is to hear. Community is everything.
I love the humorous note you end this on, although I would have been terrified to see the attendants on the floor. Nope. Not for me.
Oh I was definitely terrified. I can laugh now because it was about 30 years ago.