I recently interviewed Christina Perri about her ballad "A Thousand Years," which was written and recorded for the first Twilight film but has taken on new meaning for her since she became a mom. We discussed the evolution of the song through the years, her new picture book, and how her artistic projects helped her navigate the loss of her daughter four years ago.
Read, commented and shared. Two of my favourite songs! I'm so sad for Christina losing Rosie and impressed by her book and music. Thanks for this, Sandra!
Hi Jessica, thank you for continuing to provide this this space and the opportunity to share. This week, I wrote about the impacts of emotional intelligence on relationships and marriages. I’d had this piece in my draft folder for many months and it finally came together. Happy Friday everyone!
After I read this piece, I read your post about making new friends at 57. I like now you conveyed the space it takes up in our brains; all the calculations and considerations.
Hello everyone, I hope you're doing better than things are going over here! I have been struggling with an obstructive parent in deep denial about her situation. She has dementia and great difficulty with her daily life, (food prep, shopping, meds, hygiene). Finally I engaged Adult Protective Services who told me she had a right to remain in place, I began keeping a diary, The Right to Folly. Three weeks ago she was found on the floor, with bowel incontinence and the stove spewing gas. Thus began a chaotic and stressful scramble for care. There were so many things I wish I knew in advance regarding Advance Directives, Power of Attorney, Capacity Declarations, and on and on. I’ve written about it, offering advice here: https://readwriteeat.substack.com/p/welcome-to-bummerville
This has been one of the worst experiences of my life, expensive and chaotic. I encourage people to make decisions early to avoid a 911.
HUGS. I just read your article, and the POLST article. Unfortunately, I've heard about the same similar experience from MANY Carers here in the UK, families hitting traumatic crises. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this...there are several folks within the Carer Mentor community you may like to connect with - you can find them via this Anthology: https://www.carermentor.com/p/the-dementia-anthology
Anna du Pen has shared her insights as a Palliative Care Nurse Specialist and Janice Walton shares her experience admitting her husband to a
"The Toughest Decision I've Ever Made. A Personal Journey. By Janice Walton ‘Dan was becoming more hostile and challenging to manage as his dementia increased. I’d reached the end of what I could do - maybe a home like that was the solution.’"
I did a quick Google search - there is no POLST in the UK damn it! I didn't think so but checked. Instead there are 4 documents 🙄
Natalie, thank you for sharing this—what a gift in the midst of something so grueling and heartbreaking. It really does hit at the worst possible time, right in the thick of midlife when you’re already holding so much. I went through something similar during Covid, while going through a divorce, with my mother on the other side of the country and barely any financial resources to work with. At times, it honestly felt like I was being punished for something in a past life—completely irrational, but that was the emotional weight of it.
Reading your experience helps me feel less alone. I’m grateful I had power of attorney and that my mum had everything legally organized in advance—(though she actually was an organized hoarder!) that preparation really did reduce some of the chaos. Your reminder to be as prepared as possible is such an important one. Sending you care and deep respect for how you’re navigating this.
My heart goes out to you. My father had dementia and we had to unplug the stove and hire caregivers. I was his primary caregiver with POA. It’s costly and emotionally draining. Good for you to write about it!
Oh Natalie, what a horrorshow for both of you. I was lucky that Mom was the kind who had things in place before she started to decline and get I still find paperwork and bureacracy that has to be struggled with. Also an only child, but single and childfree, I recently got all my own paperwork in place which is challenging when you're alone. Who to trust with those decisions. An high note though, moving Mom into assisted living was the best thing I could have done. She absolutely blossomed, I hope the same happens for your Mom.
Also love this metaphor and identify with the holding on to the blanket. I have my Dads sweater. He was a big man and it's huge on me. It was old when he died...25 years ago and it's been mended, poorly, over the years. It looks like it's been dragged through the rain. Still hanging on to it. And wearing it.
Maura, this is so poignant: "Mending is a commitment to transformation, moving forward, and accepting the nature of all things—change and imperfection..."
Loved this, Maura! So much rich metaphor in sewing, mending, weaving. Made me think about how I still rely on my 85yo mom to mend things for me and have refused to learn the skill for myself. Hmmm...🤔
Hi Jessica, I appreciate this space you've made for us. I hope all's well with you.
I've been focused on Expanding and Building...more structure, content and Carer Mentor's purpose of empathy and inspiration.
Last week, I updated the iCARE Stack.' A reliable Go-To Hub. A portal to publications focused on caregiving or share their experience as part of their wider portfolio content. "For & By People who CARE. Being Human & The Rollercoasters of Life." https://www.carermentor.com/p/introduction-and-welcome-to-icare
Hi gang of fabulous women! A couple of things happening in my neck of the woods. A memoir piece about coming out in the 1970s at about the same time my 40 year old father did. I was 15.
And, at Style Your Stack, 2 things. 1. A new profile of Eileen Dougharty of "You're Right, I Do Look Tired" A complete upgrade of her stack's design elements (there were none!):
And 2. I'm teaching a workshop for 5 Thursdays in May on getting the most out of your Substack experience. Styling/design, tech and navigation in the backend, understanding promotions, putting your best foot forward in your About page and hero posts, etc. The class limit is 20. It WILL be fun! Would love to have you in this class. xo
Loved your "can't be gay" piece. I am a complete sucker for any coming out stories bc my son is gay and his coming out was so peaceful and undramatic that I feel sad for anyone whose wasn't. And it's why I'm a Mama Bear and safe space for anyone who has not been fully accepted for who they are.
Thank you so much for this opportunity to share! This week I found myself thinking about Shel Silverstein's book Where The Sidewalk Ends, and specifically the poem "Sick", which I LOVED as a kid. It got me wondering what "little Peggy Ann McKay" might have to say as a perimenopausal woman in her 50s...so I took the liberty of writing what Silverstein is no longer here to do. I hope you enjoy it! https://substack.com/@kdbonville/note/c-107017158
I struggled this week. Wrote two 2K+ pieces and neither felt...right? true? honest? I went back in to my research notes to understand. Assembling a life from clues. Collating evidence. Mismatched puzzle pieces. Letters. Ephemera. I wasn’t living a double life; I was living lots of lives simultaneously, overlapping, melting and leaking into each other.
Thank you for the space to share and connect! I've always been a landlubber, enjoying the feeling of floating in the water once I'm in but basically a bit scared of open water especially and not too fond of swimming pools either. This spring and summer I want to change that, prompted in so small part by reading Emma Simpson's memoir Breaking Waves. My intention is to start wild swimming - dips in the river, the lido we have in town, maybe even the sea. This piece explores where this fear comes from, how it's more mental than physical and why I want to swim through that! Just sharing this has led to some fabulous conversations, with women I'm already friends with who wild swim and are gently taking me by the hand and guiding me into the water.
I love being in the water. Just don't love that there might be other creatures lurking in that water. But in my own ways, I'm finding this stage of life to be about doing the things that scare me. Seems you are as well!
What a beautiful journey. I have always loved the water, the shore is my sacred space, but when I found myself in New Zealand on a boat to snorkle with the dolphins I coudn't get myself off the boat. I'd been snorkeling before, but the wet suit. Something about it felt so restrictive I couldn't breathe. And yes, future me is annoyed at past me for not pushing through. Love your bravery.
My work as a maternal mental health therapist has meant I spend a fair amount of time undoing the harm done by other providers, but also sitting with SO much frustration about the ways we are systematically failing women across reproductive lifespan.
I also offered a chance to AMA about maternal mental health in hopes of undoing some of the noisiest noise. Would love to hear what folks think! 💚
In my Substack PATIENT NO MORE you can watch me perform a literary highwire act. I'm live writing and publishing a book -- two chapters a month -- to put patients in the driver's seat of their own health. I've promised to complete the book by the end of 2025. It's called A GUIDE TO SURVIVING AMERICAN HEALTHCARE. So far, I've dropped five chapters. The last one was about how to shop for a primary care doctor. The one that's coming next week is about choosing specialists and surgeons. https://open.substack.com/pub/helenemepstein/p/chapter-5-how-to-shop-for-the-best?
Oooo, very interesting. I just got out of the hospital myself— emergency gal ladder removal— and have a lot to say about it! I will certainly give this a read!
Thank you! I just replied to your note talking about how moved and impressed I am by the iCare Cancer Care Journey work you're doing. And as public health measures falter, and budgets shrink, there will be an impact on cancer patients and their care providers. We all need more support now and in the near future.
Thanks, Helene - absolutely. In addition to the Medicaid risks...there needs to be more discussion around medication manufacture and supply chain - even if manufacturing is in the US, raw materials may come from elsewhere..there are MANY aspects to the Care Journey of cancer or of any chronic disease that's ringing alarm bells right now.
With our insane tariff roller coaster, there's going to be a direct impact on the availability of those kinds of raw materials. We've already had big medication shortages since the beginning of Covid in 2020. I'm a bit terrified about what is going to happen next.
This week I wrote about two kinds of individualism and how they're related. I'm really happy with this post, and it helped me clarify some ideas in the book I'm working on.
I recently interviewed Christina Perri about her ballad "A Thousand Years," which was written and recorded for the first Twilight film but has taken on new meaning for her since she became a mom. We discussed the evolution of the song through the years, her new picture book, and how her artistic projects helped her navigate the loss of her daughter four years ago.
https://creativereverberations.substack.com/p/cr-041-christina-perri-on-the-continuing
Read, commented and shared. Two of my favourite songs! I'm so sad for Christina losing Rosie and impressed by her book and music. Thanks for this, Sandra!
Thank you so much! ❤️
This is amazing. ❤️❤️
Thank you so much!
Oh man, what a sweet and heartbreaking story! This was a wonderful interview, Sandra. Thanks for sharing it.
Thank you so much for reading!!
Hi Jessica, thank you for continuing to provide this this space and the opportunity to share. This week, I wrote about the impacts of emotional intelligence on relationships and marriages. I’d had this piece in my draft folder for many months and it finally came together. Happy Friday everyone!
https://open.substack.com/pub/tracymansolillo/p/emotional-intelligence-secrets-of?r=4l7yj&utm_medium=ios
This week I wrote about once when murder hit close to home. (Thanks for this thread, Jessica!)
https://open.substack.com/pub/distractedbyprettythings/p/my-me-time-often-involves-murder?r=43tgx8&utm_medium=ios
Fellow weirdo who watches/listens to True Crime to relax!
Sara and Leslie, you might enjoy Amy Beeman's Dirtnap Destiny! https://amybeeman.substack.com/
True crime weirdos unite!
So stinkin good!
Loved this, it was for sure way too close for comfort
Woke up tired and depleted but still managed to do a post on the SAVE Act and women voters in South Carolina: https://open.substack.com/pub/emilytaylor/p/save-act-advances-to-the-senate?r=6mt2t&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Thanks for offering this space! It’ll motivate me to keep writing. (New here.) Last week I wrote about group chats, trust, and parenting young adults.
https://open.substack.com/pub/carolbainadler/p/parenting-in-the-group-chat-era?r=1i7tuo&utm_medium=ios
Again, your piece was lovely.
After I read this piece, I read your post about making new friends at 57. I like now you conveyed the space it takes up in our brains; all the calculations and considerations.
Hello everyone, I hope you're doing better than things are going over here! I have been struggling with an obstructive parent in deep denial about her situation. She has dementia and great difficulty with her daily life, (food prep, shopping, meds, hygiene). Finally I engaged Adult Protective Services who told me she had a right to remain in place, I began keeping a diary, The Right to Folly. Three weeks ago she was found on the floor, with bowel incontinence and the stove spewing gas. Thus began a chaotic and stressful scramble for care. There were so many things I wish I knew in advance regarding Advance Directives, Power of Attorney, Capacity Declarations, and on and on. I’ve written about it, offering advice here: https://readwriteeat.substack.com/p/welcome-to-bummerville
This has been one of the worst experiences of my life, expensive and chaotic. I encourage people to make decisions early to avoid a 911.
HUGS. I just read your article, and the POLST article. Unfortunately, I've heard about the same similar experience from MANY Carers here in the UK, families hitting traumatic crises. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this...there are several folks within the Carer Mentor community you may like to connect with - you can find them via this Anthology: https://www.carermentor.com/p/the-dementia-anthology
Anna du Pen has shared her insights as a Palliative Care Nurse Specialist and Janice Walton shares her experience admitting her husband to a
"The Toughest Decision I've Ever Made. A Personal Journey. By Janice Walton ‘Dan was becoming more hostile and challenging to manage as his dementia increased. I’d reached the end of what I could do - maybe a home like that was the solution.’"
I did a quick Google search - there is no POLST in the UK damn it! I didn't think so but checked. Instead there are 4 documents 🙄
Wishing you the best! From a sister in solidarity. Thank you for the information. xN
Natalie, thank you for sharing this—what a gift in the midst of something so grueling and heartbreaking. It really does hit at the worst possible time, right in the thick of midlife when you’re already holding so much. I went through something similar during Covid, while going through a divorce, with my mother on the other side of the country and barely any financial resources to work with. At times, it honestly felt like I was being punished for something in a past life—completely irrational, but that was the emotional weight of it.
Reading your experience helps me feel less alone. I’m grateful I had power of attorney and that my mum had everything legally organized in advance—(though she actually was an organized hoarder!) that preparation really did reduce some of the chaos. Your reminder to be as prepared as possible is such an important one. Sending you care and deep respect for how you’re navigating this.
I’m so glad you are in the other side! I’m reaching toward that light. xN
My heart goes out to you. My father had dementia and we had to unplug the stove and hire caregivers. I was his primary caregiver with POA. It’s costly and emotionally draining. Good for you to write about it!
Thank you for reading. And I hope the situation has improved with your dad. xN
I'm so sorry you're managing through this situation, Natalie. What a gift to share your lessons learned.
Oh Natalie, what a horrorshow for both of you. I was lucky that Mom was the kind who had things in place before she started to decline and get I still find paperwork and bureacracy that has to be struggled with. Also an only child, but single and childfree, I recently got all my own paperwork in place which is challenging when you're alone. Who to trust with those decisions. An high note though, moving Mom into assisted living was the best thing I could have done. She absolutely blossomed, I hope the same happens for your Mom.
I wrote about mending this week—both material things and relationships.
https://modernstrength.substack.com/p/giving-forgiving-mending
This is wonderful! I love the metaphor. And it really resonates with me as I've been struggling with shifts in a couple of close friendships.
Thank you, Erica.
Also love this metaphor and identify with the holding on to the blanket. I have my Dads sweater. He was a big man and it's huge on me. It was old when he died...25 years ago and it's been mended, poorly, over the years. It looks like it's been dragged through the rain. Still hanging on to it. And wearing it.
Thank you, Jodi. I love that you’re wearing your Dad’s sweater, that makes me smile.
Maura, this is so poignant: "Mending is a commitment to transformation, moving forward, and accepting the nature of all things—change and imperfection..."
Sara, thank you.
Loved this, Maura! So much rich metaphor in sewing, mending, weaving. Made me think about how I still rely on my 85yo mom to mend things for me and have refused to learn the skill for myself. Hmmm...🤔
That makes me feel better, Bridget!
Hi Jessica, I appreciate this space you've made for us. I hope all's well with you.
I've been focused on Expanding and Building...more structure, content and Carer Mentor's purpose of empathy and inspiration.
Last week, I updated the iCARE Stack.' A reliable Go-To Hub. A portal to publications focused on caregiving or share their experience as part of their wider portfolio content. "For & By People who CARE. Being Human & The Rollercoasters of Life." https://www.carermentor.com/p/introduction-and-welcome-to-icare
This week, 'Introduction: The Cancer Care Journey, an Insights Map of Lived Experiences.' https://www.carermentor.com/p/introduction-the-cancer-care-journey
Hi gang of fabulous women! A couple of things happening in my neck of the woods. A memoir piece about coming out in the 1970s at about the same time my 40 year old father did. I was 15.
https://nantepper.com/p/what-do-you-mean-i-cant-be-gay
And, at Style Your Stack, 2 things. 1. A new profile of Eileen Dougharty of "You're Right, I Do Look Tired" A complete upgrade of her stack's design elements (there were none!):
https://styleyourstack.com/p/style-your-stack-design-eileen-dougharty
And 2. I'm teaching a workshop for 5 Thursdays in May on getting the most out of your Substack experience. Styling/design, tech and navigation in the backend, understanding promotions, putting your best foot forward in your About page and hero posts, etc. The class limit is 20. It WILL be fun! Would love to have you in this class. xo
https://styleyourstack.com/p/5-week-intensive-zoom-master-class
Loved your "can't be gay" piece. I am a complete sucker for any coming out stories bc my son is gay and his coming out was so peaceful and undramatic that I feel sad for anyone whose wasn't. And it's why I'm a Mama Bear and safe space for anyone who has not been fully accepted for who they are.
Thanks, and I get it. We need more Mama Bears for sure. Lucky son! Lucky mom! xo
Thank you so much for this opportunity to share! This week I found myself thinking about Shel Silverstein's book Where The Sidewalk Ends, and specifically the poem "Sick", which I LOVED as a kid. It got me wondering what "little Peggy Ann McKay" might have to say as a perimenopausal woman in her 50s...so I took the liberty of writing what Silverstein is no longer here to do. I hope you enjoy it! https://substack.com/@kdbonville/note/c-107017158
So cute - and relatable!
😂 Spot on.
read. loved. restacked.
so clever, also a Shel Silverstien fan
Well done, that is hilarious!
I struggled this week. Wrote two 2K+ pieces and neither felt...right? true? honest? I went back in to my research notes to understand. Assembling a life from clues. Collating evidence. Mismatched puzzle pieces. Letters. Ephemera. I wasn’t living a double life; I was living lots of lives simultaneously, overlapping, melting and leaking into each other.
https://jdoff.substack.com/p/a-double-life-or-a-house-of-mirrors
Loved it and was fascinated by your story - as always.
That feeling of "not right" or honest or true- I feel that.
Thank you for the space to share and connect! I've always been a landlubber, enjoying the feeling of floating in the water once I'm in but basically a bit scared of open water especially and not too fond of swimming pools either. This spring and summer I want to change that, prompted in so small part by reading Emma Simpson's memoir Breaking Waves. My intention is to start wild swimming - dips in the river, the lido we have in town, maybe even the sea. This piece explores where this fear comes from, how it's more mental than physical and why I want to swim through that! Just sharing this has led to some fabulous conversations, with women I'm already friends with who wild swim and are gently taking me by the hand and guiding me into the water.
https://moorlifewriting.substack.com/p/its-brassic-but-felt-amazing-afterwards
I love being in the water. Just don't love that there might be other creatures lurking in that water. But in my own ways, I'm finding this stage of life to be about doing the things that scare me. Seems you are as well!
What a beautiful journey. I have always loved the water, the shore is my sacred space, but when I found myself in New Zealand on a boat to snorkle with the dolphins I coudn't get myself off the boat. I'd been snorkeling before, but the wet suit. Something about it felt so restrictive I couldn't breathe. And yes, future me is annoyed at past me for not pushing through. Love your bravery.
Thanks for the opportunity to share. This week I wrote about a possible solution to midlife toxic productivity, assuming a new archetype called, the Sacred Slacker. https://open.substack.com/pub/lisamariecabrelli/p/drowning-in-doing-how-to-become-a?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=2ceh31
Lisa-Marie, I so enjoyed your post. And the Sacred Slacker speaks directly to my Gen X soul!
Glad you liked it! I’m going to read this list this weekend. 🙂
Thanks so much for offering up this space on the regular! Really appreciate all the work you do here.
I wrote yesterday about the 20 myths women are still being told about their mental health: https://bridcro.substack.com/p/20-myths
My work as a maternal mental health therapist has meant I spend a fair amount of time undoing the harm done by other providers, but also sitting with SO much frustration about the ways we are systematically failing women across reproductive lifespan.
I also offered a chance to AMA about maternal mental health in hopes of undoing some of the noisiest noise. Would love to hear what folks think! 💚
Loved it. Thank you.
Thank you so much! 💙
In my Substack PATIENT NO MORE you can watch me perform a literary highwire act. I'm live writing and publishing a book -- two chapters a month -- to put patients in the driver's seat of their own health. I've promised to complete the book by the end of 2025. It's called A GUIDE TO SURVIVING AMERICAN HEALTHCARE. So far, I've dropped five chapters. The last one was about how to shop for a primary care doctor. The one that's coming next week is about choosing specialists and surgeons. https://open.substack.com/pub/helenemepstein/p/chapter-5-how-to-shop-for-the-best?
Oooo, very interesting. I just got out of the hospital myself— emergency gal ladder removal— and have a lot to say about it! I will certainly give this a read!
Oh my. Hope you’re feeling well and taking it easy. My book is interactive so please feel free to comment with your experiences or add your thoughts.
Read, commented and subscribed! ;-) Looking forward to keeping connected Helene! Your insights will be welcomed by many, especially now!
Thank you! I just replied to your note talking about how moved and impressed I am by the iCare Cancer Care Journey work you're doing. And as public health measures falter, and budgets shrink, there will be an impact on cancer patients and their care providers. We all need more support now and in the near future.
Thanks, Helene - absolutely. In addition to the Medicaid risks...there needs to be more discussion around medication manufacture and supply chain - even if manufacturing is in the US, raw materials may come from elsewhere..there are MANY aspects to the Care Journey of cancer or of any chronic disease that's ringing alarm bells right now.
With our insane tariff roller coaster, there's going to be a direct impact on the availability of those kinds of raw materials. We've already had big medication shortages since the beginning of Covid in 2020. I'm a bit terrified about what is going to happen next.
This week I wrote about two kinds of individualism and how they're related. I'm really happy with this post, and it helped me clarify some ideas in the book I'm working on.
https://open.substack.com/pub/ericalucaststonestreet/p/theres-individualism-and-then-theres?r=25crho&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true
This article is so sharp and timely Erica, I have subscribed to you, so curious to read more!
Thank you! :) There's a related one coming up in about two weeks.